thoughts running wild

isawtoday: we the people - Dressed Down Lace

Sun, 19 May 2013 09:41:54 -0400

isawtoday:

we the people - Dressed Down Lace

amarling: “as a guy…” i give 0 shits.

Sun, 19 May 2013 09:22:50 -0400

amarling:

“as a guy…”

i give 0 shits.

Photo

Sun, 19 May 2013 08:57:49 -0400

Photo

Sun, 19 May 2013 08:56:04 -0400

A friend called and asked if I wanted to go out and grab some drinks, but I was not in the mood so I...

Sat, 18 May 2013 10:47:57 -0400

A friend called and asked if I wanted to go out and grab some drinks, but I was not in the mood so I told him I couldn’t cause I had a lot of homework to do (I don’t know why I said that when “I’m feeling a bit tired” is a much more convincing excuse, I mean, homework on a Saturday night?) And yet 10 minutes later, here I am, still wandering on tumblr, having absolutely nothing important to do. I don’t even know anymore.

ifoundthea: fotoágrafos emocionantes Chema Madoz

Thu, 16 May 2013 23:40:51 -0400

ifoundthea:

fotoágrafos emocionantes

Chema Madoz

Photo

Thu, 16 May 2013 23:30:53 -0400

I think I miss ? but I don’t really want him to come back. And it’s not even that...

Thu, 16 May 2013 09:51:13 -0400

I think I miss ? but I don’t really want him to come back. And it’s not even that he ever did anything to make me feel sad, it’s just me overthinking things and overhurting myself and I hate that. I don’t want to get hurt because of him and he wouldn’t want that either. I’m writing a sad and soppy post about him again when I’m not sure if I want to but I think I need this. I need to remind myself that I’m in a better place right now and it’s better this way. In fact I don’t think I need his existence in my life anymore, and he doesn’t need mine either, as he never did.

(via la valse des monstres: sunday)

Thu, 16 May 2013 07:39:00 -0400

(via la valse des monstres: sunday)

(via la valse des monstres: Hongkong)

Thu, 16 May 2013 06:49:27 -0400

(via la valse des monstres: Hongkong)

Freedom is Relative: I went to go drop Barney off at Union Station because he had to go to...

Mon, 13 May 2013 02:30:31 -0400

Freedom is Relative: I went to go drop Barney off at Union Station because he had to go to...:

fiercefolly:

I went to go drop Barney off at Union Station because he had to go to Seattle in order to join the forces of capitalism i.e. go to job interviews. Why I am not allowed to turn left on some streets in Portland is entirely beyond me. But it still freaks me out. By the time we got to the station I was thoroughly discombobulated. I pulled over to the curb to let Barney out and as he was getting his many bags full of laundry (I thought it was just in movies that college kids saved their dirty clothes to bring home so their mothers could do their wash) out of the back a middle aged man came over and gestured for me to roll down my window. He wasn’t a cop, but he was clearly someone employed by the station. When my window was down he said, “Forty-two,” which made absolutely no sense. It still makes no sense. I said, “Excuse me?” and he explained in a very round-about fashion that I wasn’t allowed to park there, only cabs were. So I apologized, said I didn’t know, that I was only pausing to let Barney out. Whatever he was ignored me and turned to Barney and started joking with him, saying, “You must have really pissed her off, she’s dropping you off so far away from the doors.” I was just sitting there staring at the steering wheel, while it was becoming increasingly apparent what this was really about. Again, I thought it was only in movies that the woman bats her eyelashes and coos, “I’m so sorry, officer, I must be completely idiotic to have done such a thing,” then titters gaily. A voice in my head went, “Smile and blink pretty,” so I did, raising my voice half an octave and tilting my head while insisting on my total ignorance. I think I even giggled. Ugh. I don’t drink because I end up giggling, and here I am, giggling away. He smirked and said, “Well, that’s what I wanted to hear,” and went back to joking with Barney about god knows what. Something about my supposed relationship with him and how he must’ve done something terrible to get me to lash out in such a vituperative fashion. Whatever he was wished me a good day (A good day? What?) and sauntered away.

I sincerely doubt he cared about my stopping at the curb for less than a minute to let someone grab their bags and go. There were no cabs behind me in throes of desperation over my momentary usurpation of their curb space. I don’t even think there was another moving vehicle in sight. No, this was a power play, one riddled with expectations of gendered performances. Judith Butler is turning cartwheels in my head. It was completely contrived. If I’m parked somewhere I’m not supposed to be parked, tell me to move my car, and I’ll move my damn car. It’s simple. It doesn’t even require witty repartee on my part, never mind head tilting. He wanted to see my fear. He wanted to see me act in the way ‘women’ are ‘supposed’ to act in situations when confronted by authority figures while driving. As soon as I became hyperfeminine, he cracked one more joke about me to Barney and left. So, we have the stereotype that women will react passive aggressively, the expectation of a certain kind of performance from a stereotypically gendered body, the naturalization of gender roles, and authority used not to enforce (like I said, just tell me to move my car and not to do it again) but to bully. I was ultimately judged not for my infraction but for my gendered performance. Smile, blink, raise voice in dismay (gently now), tilt head, simper. Oh, and giggle. The giggling’s important.

Awesome. The world is a fantastic, fantastic place sometimes. Makes me so happy to be called a woman and treated like an object, treated like an emotional object that can smile on command and ignored when you want to make a joke over her head about her. Makes me so glad to be expected to act like a ‘woman’ lest punitive consequences rain down upon my charmingly bowed head.

Wait, why am I even talking about ‘women’ here?

He wanted me to act like a ‘scared little girl’. And I did. I don’t know what disgusts me more, his power trip or my performance.

Photo

Mon, 13 May 2013 02:30:00 -0400

aseaofquotes: Jean-Paul Sartre, Nausea

Mon, 13 May 2013 02:26:46 -0400

aseaofquotes:

Jean-Paul Sartre, Nausea

(via la valse des monstres: oldies)

Sun, 12 May 2013 11:05:35 -0400

(via la valse des monstres: oldies)

"I did not like to be touched, but it was a strange dislike. I did not like to be touched because I..."

Sun, 12 May 2013 11:04:42 -0400

“I did not like to be touched, but it was a strange dislike. I did not like to be touched because I craved it too much. I wanted to be held very tight so I would not break. Even now, when people lean down to touch me, or hug me, or put a hand on my shoulder, I hold my breath. I turn my face. I want to cry.”

- Marya Hornbacher (via seabois)

Photo

Sun, 12 May 2013 11:04:39 -0400

aberforths-goats: (insert me) (by bekah.camp)

Sun, 12 May 2013 11:04:35 -0400

aberforths-goats:

(insert me) (by bekah.camp)

(via la valse des monstres: lite mer analogt)

Sun, 12 May 2013 10:52:17 -0400

(via la valse des monstres: lite mer analogt)

"I still catch myself feeling sad about things that don’t matter anymore."

Sun, 12 May 2013 10:51:03 -0400

“I still catch myself feeling sad about things that don’t matter anymore.”

- Kurt Vonnegut (via seabois)

(via la valse des monstres: sista dagarna)

Sun, 12 May 2013 10:49:32 -0400

(via la valse des monstres: sista dagarna)